Ohmygosh! I canNOT believe that Josh and I have been married for 3 years today! This past year has been such a whirlwind in our journey together- from me starting a new job in Louisville, to Josh quitting work and starting school full-time, to selling our house and moving to Ohio, to me starting another new job in Columbus, it’s just been crazy! In some ways, it doesn’t seem like it has already been 3 years and in other ways, it seems like how has it only been 3 years?? Hahaha, does that even make sense?
Anyways, I feel like I learn something new every day about marriage and I thought it would be kind of fun to look back over this year and write about some of these things. So, here goes!
I’ve learned that marriage is about sacrificing. We sacrifice because we love each other and want to put each others needs before our own. Sometimes it’s little things, like letting Josh have the last bite of dessert instead of taking it…you know how much I love me some gooey chocolate chip skillet cookie and vanilla ice cream! Sometimes it’s bigger, like moving away to a new state/new job/new apartment so that Josh can pursue his passion in Dietetics. Honestly, it’s really hard sometimes! But, it’s so so worth it, I have no doubts about that.
I’ve learned that just because you can do something on your own, doesn’t mean you have to or should. I used to let silly little things (like about laundry and doing meal prep) build up until I got so angry I just would be in the worst mood and not even talk to Josh or just be really short with him. I realized he didn’t even know I was feeling stressed with stuff and that he would be more than willing to help out however he could. Just freaking ask for help! I don’t get as stressed out now and Josh doesn’t have to sit there wondering why I’m being so rude to him, it’s a win-win for everyone!
I’ve learned that you have to build yourself up so that you have the strength to build up your partner too. When I’m not feeling good about myself, just having a bad day or whatever, I don’t really feel good about anyone. I know it’s not fair, but that’s just the way it is. I’ve really been working on saying a little prayer to have a more positive attitude and change my mindset. When I take the time to build myself up, to tell myself that I can get through hard situations and all this change, it is so much easier for me to tell Josh that he can also because I believe it for myself first.
I’ve learned that you need to be kind to each other. You wouldn’t (you shouldn’t!) speak to a stranger terribly, so why would you speak to each other that way? We’ve all done it- you’re at a restaurant arguing and you whisper something rude to your husband, then in the next breathe turn to the waiter as nice as can be to order your dinner. Like flipping a light switch. Why, just why?!?! Josh is who I have built a life with, who I wake up to and who I go to sleep with. He of all people is who I should be nice to, who I should be building up with words of kindness and encouragement.
I’ve learned that sometimes you have to be selfish. When I say this, I’m mostly talking about taking time to do things that make me feel like me. I recently started reading again and remembered why I love it so much. So now, I’ve been trying to be “selfish” and take time to read my book instead of maybe watching tv together. I’ve been making time to go to the gym and get a workout in. A few hours here and there being selfish to take care of myself has meant so many more hours being able to fully be present and enjoy stuff with Josh.
I’ve learned that you have to communicate. Tell each other anything and everything. It might seem stupid to talk about the delicious bread you had at lunch, but if it was something that brought you joy, share it. It might seem stupid to talk about the lift you missed during your workout, but if it was something that made you sad, share it. It might seem stupid to talk about how I wanted Josh to start the episode of Modern Family on his phone instead of me starting it, but if it annoys you, share it! Getting things off my chest or sharing things that make me so happy also makes me feel closer to Josh, like he’s getting a peek inside my heart and into what makes me who I am. Whatever I’m feeling, if I share it with Josh, we can move forward, move on, and not worry about things building up.
I’ve learned that you have to have date nights. Scheduled, spontaneous, however is best for you, just have a date night! One super fun thing I gave Josh as a gift this past year is a Date Night coupon book. Every month has a different date night planned- build a fort and watch a movie at home, go on a hike and have a picnic, go ice skating and make hot chocolate, etc. All just fun activities and something a little different that we wouldn’t normally do! Most of our time is spent apart, either at work or school, so it’s been so great to focus on each other and spend quality time together even if just for a few hours a week. I can’t wait for the many more date nights to come!
I never ever could have imagined that we would be where we are today, but I know that I wouldn’t want to be living this crazy adventurous life with anyone else!