happy anni-four-sary

This Thursday will be Josh and my four year wedding anniversary!!! Some days it feels like it’s not even been a year and other days I can’t believe we haven’t been married for our whole lives. And I mean both of those in the best way. I can’t possibly imagine how my life would have turned out without Josh in it. He has opened me up to a whole new world outside my comfort zone – moving to a new state away from friends and family, starting a new job, living in a big city, etc. And at the same time, he has shown me how amazing it can be to be passionate about something, to become the best version of yourself, and to never settle.

Since we’ll be married for four years, I thought it would be fun to talk about four things that have been super important in our marriage this past year! 

  1. Forgive, but don’t forget. By this, I definitely don’t mean to hold a grudge. It has never been healthy for me (or us) to ruminate for a long time about our disagreements or arguments. And it’s definitely not been conducive to a healthy relationship for us to keep bringing stuff back up after we’ve made up. After an argument, I usually need a little time to think about what was really bothering me or what I think maybe was bothering Josh and then I’m ready to discuss it right then. It is so important to us not to go to bed angry. We don’t always come to a perfect agreement (I mean, does anyone?), but we always make sure we listen to each other and come up with a plan for it not to happen again. And so while we forgive each other, we don’t want to forget because we don’t want to repeat the same mistakes or things that have made us argue.    

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  1. Don’t keep score. Often, it is so easy to fall into the trap of “woe is me”, to think of all the things I do for the relationship, for our house, for our family. Even when Josh is contributing just as much as me. It is more often than not that just because I’ve done the dishes one night, Josh has actually done them the past four and I’ve just had a rough day and can only focus on me, me, me. We both have days like that, I think everyone does. So, instead of focusing on “me”, I try to focus on “we”. What we can accomplish when I simply ask for help and we work together as a team, instead of putting the pressure on myself (or Josh) to do it alone. 

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  1. Laugh. One of my absolute favorite things to do (besides hugging) is to laugh. I love being super goofy by making up silly songs or doing a weird/awkward dance and making Josh laugh. And I love when Josh does something goofy or says something sarcastic that makes me laugh. I truly believe that having the ability to laugh in some of our hardest times and some of our best times has been so important for our relationship.   

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  1. Listen. This one is definitely more for me. I so easily get excited about an idea or feel like I need to share my point of view instantly and that has led to me talking over Josh more than once. I have really been working on taking a deep breath and actually listening to what Josh has to say instead of dominating the conversation. If we don’t take the time to listen to each other, it feels like we don’t respect the other person’s opinion and I never want to make anyone feel that way- especially my husband. I think I might always be a work in progress on this one, but it is one of the most important things I’m working on.  

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I am so blessed to have spent the past four years with Josh as my partner, my husband, my everything in this crazy adventure called life. I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us!!!

[happy three years]

Ohmygosh! I canNOT believe that Josh and I have been married for 3 years today! This past year has been such a whirlwind in our journey together- from me starting a new job in Louisville,  to Josh quitting work and starting school full-time, to selling our house and moving to Ohio, to me starting another new job in Columbus, it’s just been crazy! In some ways, it doesn’t seem like it has already been 3 years and in other ways, it seems like how has it only been 3 years?? Hahaha, does that even make sense?

 Anyways, I feel like I learn something new every day about marriage and I thought it would be kind of fun to look back over this year and write about some of these things. So, here goes!

I’ve learned that marriage is about sacrificing. We sacrifice because we love each other and want to put each others needs before our own. Sometimes it’s little things, like letting Josh have the last bite of dessert instead of taking it…you know how much I love me some gooey chocolate chip skillet cookie and vanilla ice cream! Sometimes it’s bigger, like moving away to a new state/new job/new apartment so that Josh can pursue his passion in Dietetics. Honestly, it’s really hard sometimes! But, it’s so so worth it, I have no doubts about that.

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I’ve learned that just because you can do something on your own, doesn’t mean you have to or should. I used to let silly little things (like about laundry and doing meal prep) build up until I got so angry I just would be in the worst mood and not even talk to Josh or just be really short with him. I realized he didn’t even know I was feeling stressed with stuff and that he would be more than willing to help out however he could. Just freaking ask for help! I don’t get as stressed out now and Josh doesn’t have to sit there wondering why I’m being so rude to him, it’s a win-win for everyone!

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I’ve learned that you have to build yourself up so that you have the strength to build up your partner too. When I’m not feeling good about myself, just having a bad day or whatever, I don’t really feel good about anyone. I know it’s not fair, but that’s just the way it is. I’ve really been working on saying a little prayer to have a more positive attitude and change my mindset. When I take the time to build myself up, to tell myself that I can get through hard situations and all this change, it is so much easier for me to tell Josh that he can also because I believe it for myself first.    

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I’ve learned that you need to be kind to each other. You wouldn’t (you shouldn’t!) speak to a stranger terribly, so why would you speak to each other that way? We’ve all done it- you’re at a restaurant arguing and you whisper something rude to your husband, then in the next breathe turn to the waiter as nice as can be to order your dinner. Like flipping a light switch. Why, just why?!?! Josh is who I have built a life with, who I wake up to and who I go to sleep with. He of all people is who I should be nice to, who I should be building up with words of kindness and encouragement.   

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I’ve learned that sometimes you have to be selfish. When I say this, I’m mostly talking about taking time to do things that make me feel like me. I recently started reading again and remembered why I love it so much. So now, I’ve been trying to be “selfish” and take time to read my book instead of maybe watching tv together. I’ve been making time to go to the gym and get a workout in. A few hours here and there being selfish to take care of myself has meant so many more hours being able to fully be present and enjoy stuff with Josh.   

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I’ve learned that you have to communicate. Tell each other anything and everything. It might seem stupid to talk about the delicious bread you had at lunch, but if it was something that brought you joy, share it. It might seem stupid to talk about the lift you missed during your workout, but if it was something that made you sad, share it. It might seem stupid to talk about how I wanted Josh to start the episode of Modern Family on his phone instead of me starting it, but if it annoys you, share it! Getting things off my chest or sharing things that make me so happy also makes me feel closer to Josh, like he’s getting a peek inside my heart and into what makes me who I am. Whatever I’m feeling, if I share it with Josh, we can move forward, move on, and not worry about things building up.  

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I’ve learned that you have to have date nights. Scheduled, spontaneous, however is best for you, just have a date night! One super fun thing I gave Josh as a gift this past year is a Date Night coupon book. Every month has a different date night planned- build a fort and watch a movie at home, go on a hike and have a picnic, go ice skating and make hot chocolate, etc. All just fun activities and something a little different that we wouldn’t normally do! Most of our time is spent apart, either at work or school, so it’s been so great to focus on each other and spend quality time together even if just for a few hours a week. I can’t wait for the many more date nights to come!

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I never ever could have imagined that we would be where we are today, but I know that I wouldn’t want to be living this crazy adventurous life with anyone else!

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