This Thursday will be Josh and my four year wedding anniversary!!! Some days it feels like it’s not even been a year and other days I can’t believe we haven’t been married for our whole lives. And I mean both of those in the best way. I can’t possibly imagine how my life would have turned out without Josh in it. He has opened me up to a whole new world outside my comfort zone – moving to a new state away from friends and family, starting a new job, living in a big city, etc. And at the same time, he has shown me how amazing it can be to be passionate about something, to become the best version of yourself, and to never settle.
Since we’ll be married for four years, I thought it would be fun to talk about four things that have been super important in our marriage this past year!
- Forgive, but don’t forget. By this, I definitely don’t mean to hold a grudge. It has never been healthy for me (or us) to ruminate for a long time about our disagreements or arguments. And it’s definitely not been conducive to a healthy relationship for us to keep bringing stuff back up after we’ve made up. After an argument, I usually need a little time to think about what was really bothering me or what I think maybe was bothering Josh and then I’m ready to discuss it right then. It is so important to us not to go to bed angry. We don’t always come to a perfect agreement (I mean, does anyone?), but we always make sure we listen to each other and come up with a plan for it not to happen again. And so while we forgive each other, we don’t want to forget because we don’t want to repeat the same mistakes or things that have made us argue.
- Don’t keep score. Often, it is so easy to fall into the trap of “woe is me”, to think of all the things I do for the relationship, for our house, for our family. Even when Josh is contributing just as much as me. It is more often than not that just because I’ve done the dishes one night, Josh has actually done them the past four and I’ve just had a rough day and can only focus on me, me, me. We both have days like that, I think everyone does. So, instead of focusing on “me”, I try to focus on “we”. What we can accomplish when I simply ask for help and we work together as a team, instead of putting the pressure on myself (or Josh) to do it alone.
- Laugh. One of my absolute favorite things to do (besides hugging) is to laugh. I love being super goofy by making up silly songs or doing a weird/awkward dance and making Josh laugh. And I love when Josh does something goofy or says something sarcastic that makes me laugh. I truly believe that having the ability to laugh in some of our hardest times and some of our best times has been so important for our relationship.
- Listen. This one is definitely more for me. I so easily get excited about an idea or feel like I need to share my point of view instantly and that has led to me talking over Josh more than once. I have really been working on taking a deep breath and actually listening to what Josh has to say instead of dominating the conversation. If we don’t take the time to listen to each other, it feels like we don’t respect the other person’s opinion and I never want to make anyone feel that way- especially my husband. I think I might always be a work in progress on this one, but it is one of the most important things I’m working on.
I am so blessed to have spent the past four years with Josh as my partner, my husband, my everything in this crazy adventure called life. I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us!!!